


i refuse to forget about you (Bunny Boy Senpai)

by owlsshadows



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Humor, Inspired by Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai, M/M, Urban Fantasy, which in case you didn't see yet is highly recommended
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2019-12-25 11:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18260252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlsshadows/pseuds/owlsshadows
Summary: The moment Suga walks past Ryuu in a convenience store wearing a bunny outfit, Ryuu thinks he is dreaming. For Suga though, life starts to feel like a nightmare - he is slowly but surely becoming invisible to the world. What seems to be an eccentric move at first glance is, in fact, a bold yet silent cry for help.





	1. the senpai who cannot be seen

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to this mess! I plan to take this story priority over my now 100+ other WIPs, because I have a clear goal with this and so I hope to be updating, if not regularly, but pretty frequently.
> 
> I would like to thank Anna for listening to my never ending rambling over this fic.

A/N: Important to note that this story takes heavy inspiration from Bunny Girl Senpai, to the point that several of its dialogues have been adapted, though Tanaka and Suga-san are plenty different from Sakuta and Mai. 

You don't have to watch Bunny Girl Senpai to understand this story, because it is only an AU and has been really thoroughly rewritten and customized to fit Tanaka and Suga, e.g. their reasons and in Tanaka's case even the adolescence syndrome's manifestation is different from the anime, and most things will be explained eventually, like in a true mystery story.

***

Chapter 1: the senpai who cannot be seen

Marching through the convenience store is a boy in bunny girl outfit: fluffy grey ears melt into soft, ashen blond locks, tight black bodice cradles a lean torso, thin black pantyhose covers long, muscular legs.

Ryuu drops the cup ramen he was eyeing.

He blinks.

And blinks again.

The bunny boy does not disappear. Leisurely he trots around, peeking in the lanes. Rather than the products on the shelves, the bunny boy examines the customers in the store; waving his hands in front of a young boy, strolling by an elderly lady, and sticking out his tongue at a middle-aged man.

Nobody minds him.

Ryuu rubs his eyes in hopes to get rid of this fancy illusion, but the boy remains. Moreover, he lines up with Ryuu, standing over the store’s selection of cup ramen with his warm brown eyes narrowed into a scrutinizing wince.

Ryuu gulps down hard. He can’t drag his eyes away from the bunny boy, especially not the mole under his eye.

_This can’t be true._

“Uhm… Suga-san?” he croaks out.

The bunny jumps, his bunny ear headband slipping on his head.

“Ta-Tanaka!” he says, surprised. “You can still see me! Of course you can. But how come… do you live in this neighborhood?”

Ryuu is so surprised he answers immediately. “No, I was visiting a friend from middle school.”

“I see! Well, then. See you around!” Sugawara replies, ears red as he turns away, power-walking towards the exit.

“Wait, senpai! What do you mean by ‘still see you’?” Ryuu catches up, reaching for Sugawara’s hand.

“Never mind,” Sugawara replies. His smile is soft, but not devoid of a dangerous edge as he adds: “Anyways, please forget what you’ve seen today and don’t tell anyone!” before running off.

Ryuu’s eyes follow him out of the store, his gaze eventually and inevitably dropping to the perky rabbit tail. If not for the loud and painful growling of his stomach, he would be sure he is dreaming. Still, he pinches his cheeks, just to be sure.

“Ouch,” he says.

Rubbing away the skin-deep pain does not ease the worry that settles deep in his guts. Something is not right; something is very, very not right. He knows it. He just does not know what, and how to solve it.

He sinks his hands in his pockets. Breathes in, out. In, out. In.

A long sigh leaves his lips. With throbbing face, Ryuu drawls back to the cup ramen aisle.

Under that sexy getup, Sugawara seemed troubled.

 

*

 

The next morning is silent.

Ryuu wakes before his alarm. On any other day, he would celebrate this as victory, raising a fist gloriously and marching to the shower before his sister could start her morning routine – earning a few grumpy comments but ultimately enjoying every second of it.

On any other day, Ryuu would be energetic, loud and overflowing with power. Today, he is turning and tossing around until his phone inevitably signals him that he should leave bed.

He walks to the bathroom, washes up and brushes his teeth, but fifteen minutes later, turning his spoon in his miso soup, he has no clear recollection of any of his morning activities.

On the bus he thinks about Sugawara. His experimental waves, his grimaces and gestures. The absolute lack of reaction.

_As if he was invisible._

“Oy! Earth to Ryuu!” Nishinoya greets Ryuu by the school gates the next morning.

“Ack.”

“Way to greet your best friend,” Nishinoya continues, swinging an arm around his shoulders and dragging him down to his eye level. “Bothered by something?”

“Hn,” Ryuu nods. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

“You can tell me, you know.”

“Not sure you would believe me.”

“Is it about something with ghosts again?”

“No, nothing like that,” Ryuu says.

Nishinoya squints at him, raising one brow in question. Ryuu glances back at him, shaking his head slightly. Nishinoya shrugs, and continues walking towards the changing rooms without saying anything further.

A sudden feeling of guilt weighs down Ryuu.

_Don’t tell anyone._

Suga-san asked him… but if he didn’t tell the exact story, it could be no problem, right? If he was to, for example, ask for Nishinoya’s opinion without telling him the full story… if he was tactful about it, there is no harm in mentioning a few elements of the story, right?

 “Oy, Noya.”

“Hn?”

“Do you like bunny girls?” he asks.

“No, not exactly,” Nishinoya replies, puckering his lips.

“So you love them?” Ryuu guesses.

“Yep!” Nishinoya grins, entwining his hands at the back of his head. “I love them!”

“So… let’s say, if you were to bump into someone cute dressed as a bunny girl in a convenience store, what would you do?”

“I’d do a double take.”

“Right?”

“Then, I’d totally gawk at her,” Nishinoya flashes a shameless smile.

“Right?”

“Wait, did you have a weird dream? Like, did you imagine Kiyoko-san in a bunny outfit?” Nishinoya sends him a suspicious gaze. “If you’re worried that I would be jealous for what happened in a dream, you are way too considerate, Ryuu.”

“Uh… something like that.”

“If you want to know, I dreamt about Kiyoko-san too. In my dream, she was super pretty. I bought Garigari-kun popsicles and she let me break it in two to share with her.”

“Oh man,” Ryuu replies, forcing a smile on his face. “That’s quite the dream.”

“Right?”

“Right.”

Ryuu takes the rest of the distance to the changing rooms listening to the different adventures Nishinoya got through as Kiyoko-san’s cool hero in his dream – wondering, would anyone believe him if he actually told them that he saw Suga-san in a bunny girl costume.

In a convenience store, out of all places.

In bright daylight, on top of it.

Kinoshita would call him a delusional, and ask him if he wanted a consultation – his mom is a psychologist after all, and, as he often says, if he could earn a new client to his mom he would surely get some good points too.

Ennoshita would, for sure, call him a pervert. Not that Ryuu would mind it – he had been called worse. It is just that Ennoshita’s burns always come back at him during exam time – ruler in hand to force him to study if must, Ennoshita would regard Ryuu with absolute contempt in his eyes and Ryuu does not want to hear how he could have spent his time wiser than ogling his senpai and imagining bunny outfits.

Narita would probably call him gay. At least he would be partially correct.

“… right?” Nishinoya slaps Ryuu on the back, quite literally yanking him back to reality.

“Yeah,” Ryuu agrees to something he has no idea about.

Realizing his closeness to the changing rooms – and to the unavoidable first meeting with Sugawara after their chance encounter – Ryuu slows down, dragging his feet.

He has no idea how to react, let alone how to speak with his senpai.

His eyes, wishful, travel back to the school building. If he could skip morning practice somehow, he could avoid…

… that ashen blond head he would recognize just about everywhere pops out from a schoolroom window, shouting down something to the teacher standing beside the building.

“Hey, Noyassan,” Ryuu stops in his tracks, lifting his hand up as a bar in front of Nishinoya. “Isn’t that Suga-san?”

“Ah, that!” Nishinoya replies, swatting his hand away. “He has been asked to be on some committee. He told Daichi-san about it the other day, when you were late. He will be missing out on morning practice for a few weeks.”

“But…”

“He is no longer a regular,” Nishinoya says, but his tone tells that he does not agree with what he says. “The teacher who assigned him to the committee said he could skip a few times. I heard Takeda-sensei tried to get him back but Suga-san said it was no problem.”

“No problem,” Ryuu repeats.

The door to the changing room slams open, Hinata and Kageyama bursting out, running for the gym. Ennoshita peeks his head out to tell them off, and spotting Ryuu and Nishinoya, he calls on them, too.

Nishinoya jumps, quickening his steps.

Ryuu starts too, eyes lingering over the school building.

“So you can see him, right?” the question slips from his lips.

“See whom?” Nishinoya asks, turning his head back at him.

“Sugawara-senpai.”

“Clear as day!” Nishinoya replies, pointing his thumb at his chest. “My eyesight is perfect after all!”

 

*

 

The day flies past after that. Ryuu spends the classes doodling to the edges of his notebook, one bunny after the other, cute ones, mischievous ones, venomous ones. He has never been very keen on studying, but he finds even more impossible to pay attention than usual, his thoughts returning to the scene of the crime over and over again. He sees sunset in bright daylight, and a convenience store instead of his classroom; a boy dressed in bunny suit marches before his eyes in the teacher’s place.

Ennoshita comes by around lunch to eat together.

“Since when did you become so fond of rabbits?” he asks, concerned, looking at the notes – or the lack of – in Ryuu’s notebook.

“Huh?” Ryuu manages, and as he looks up into the permanently sleepy eyes of Ennoshita, he suddenly snaps back to reality. “Ah, this? It’s nothing special,” he grumbles, hovering a hand over the one bunny he gave a telltale mole under his eye.

“This one looks especially noxious,” Ennoshita comments, pointing at the last bunny Ryuu scribbled. “Is it a blood bunny, or something?”

“Hn,” Ryuu nods. “Guess so.”

“Did something happen? You seem pretty out of it today.”

“Nothing special.”

“It’s alright to feel down sometimes, I think,” Ennoshita says.

“I’m not really down,” Ryuu replies. “It’s just…”

“You don’t have to force yourself to talk about it if you don’t want.”

“It’s… complicated.”

“I see.”

“Ennoshita?”

“Hn?”

“Have you ever been in a situation when…” Ryuu starts, reconsidering mid-sentence what to say. “Have you ever been uncertain of something?”

Ennoshita gives him a short laugh. “All the time.”

“You always seem so composed though!”

“Is that an accusation? Is this what I get for honestly replying your question?” Ennoshita shoots back, pointing at him with his chopsticks.

“No. I didn’t mean it like that. I just… I don’t know what to do.”

“Is it something I can help with? What do you think you need? Help? Advice? Someone to bury a corpse with you?”

“NO! Nothing like that,” Ryuu hurries to clarify. “I’m just conflicted.”

“What do you think of a slice of my omelet then?” Ennoshita asks with a smile. “Food can help to find those words that want to be out. Maybe even your worries will fly away on a full stomach.”

For the first time since his encounter with Sugawara, Ryuu’s stomach starts grumbling. Ennoshita’s cooking is good; his eggs are famed to be especially delicious. Ryuu gulps, looking at his friend almost sheepishly.

“Can I?” he asks.

“Of course.”

 

*

 

In the end, Ryuu does not open up to Ennoshita. Even if his insides burn and his head spins, and he receives two serves out of ten and spikes thin air more often than Kageyama’s sharp and precise tosses – he seals his lips for the rest of the day and struggles through afternoon practice.

He keeps silent.

Because Suga-san asked him to.

Still, he finds himself stalking after Suga-san on the way to the station, dragging his feet and fretting over whether to close the distance between them or not.

It is not a big distance, really. A few long strides, and he would catch up. But just as Sugawara does not slow down, Ryuu does not do anything to close the gap between them either. He can take hints. And the silent back of the ashen blond boy walking before him is telling him to stay away.

So Ryuu stays three steps away, awkwardly close and uncomfortably far, with palms itching to reach out and shout bottled up in his throat.

That is, until they reach the station. Ryuu’s plan is to stand beside Suga-san while they are waiting for the train, and cough to smoothly call attention to himself.

That is, until they _actually_ reach the station. Because at the station, all his plans fall into shambles the second Suga-san walks through the gates and Ryuu realizes that he has no idea where he put his pass. Frantically fiddling through his pockets and bag, he loses sight of his senpai.

Giving up on his genius plan, he walks to his own platform dejected, only to find Suga-san standing beside the painted line, staring off to the distance.

From afar, he looks like an angel with his hair flowing in the wind; beautiful, untouchable, troubled.

Ryuu fists his hands, shortly trimmed nails digging into his palms bluntly. He takes a deep breath, then another, and practices his cough under his breath to check whether it sounds authentic enough. Once he is satisfied with how he sounds, he marches forward, only to come to a halt a few steps away again.

Ryuu feels as if his legs were made of lead, heavy and malleable, unable to take him a centimeter closer to Suga-san.

It is in that second of hesitation that he hears it.

“Oy, take a look at that.”

There is something in the tone that makes his skin crawl, so he glances sideways, checking out the two students – undoubtedly wearing sports uniforms, even if Ryuu does not recognize their school – one of them pointing at Sugawara.

“Isn’t that Karasuno’s reserve setter?”

“Who?” the other boy asks.

“That guy over there!”

“That’s Karasuno’s uniform, no doubt. What about him?”

“You didn’t hear? Their third year setter got replaced by some genius first year. I remember seeing him warming the bench for the Inter High prelims.”

“Oh, that guy! Now I recall, he was changed in during the Seijou match when the other setter was doing badly.”

“Right? That guy!”

“No wonder, the pressure of an Inter High prelim match might be too much for a first year…”

“For a third year setter, this guy didn’t really stand out. No wonder they made that first year the official setter. Still, it’s scary, isn’t it? Makes you wonder whether you get subbed out too, as soon as someone better appears…”

“Khhm,” Ryuu clears his throat, loud and fake, drawing the boys’ attention to himself. “Oy, did you hear?” he asks, leaning in close intimidatingly. “It’s rude to talk about a person behind their back.”

“Eek!” the smaller boy shrieks, grabbing his blabbermouth friend by his shoulder. “Come on, let’s go somewhere else.”

Ryuu watches as they walk away, the smaller boy pushing the taller until they reached the very end of the platform. Only then he dares to turn around and walk to the edge of the platform, heart threatening to jump out through his mouth.

“Thank you,” Suga-san says as soon as he stops by his side. Ryuu does not need his well-practiced cough to draw his senpai’s attention.

“Eh?”

“Did you think I would get angry and tell you to mind your own business?”

“Well…”

“I thought about it,” Sugawara says in a sing-song. “I’m just holding it in.”

“Then I wish you kept this for yourself too,” Ryuu replies, scratching the back of his head troubled.

“I was prepared for this type of talk,” Suga-san says, and his warm brown eyes meet Ryuu’s steel blue. “It’s unavoidable, after all.”

“Even so,” Ryuu musters the courage, nails digging deeper in the skin of his palm. “It wears you down inside, doesn’t it?”

“Wearing me down… certainly, you’re right about it,” Sugawara admits, casting his eyes away. “Look. Our train is here.”

“I didn’t know you take this train, Suga-san.”

“Strange indeed, I’ve never seen you either.”

“We… might just have different schedules,” Ryuu laughs nervously, sitting beside Sugawara on an empty seat.

“Hn,” Suga agrees, humming softly.

“About that thing yesterday,” Ryuu starts then, before an uncomfortable silence could really settle in between them.

“I asked you to forget about it, didn’t I?”

“That bunny outfit was so erotic, it’s impossible to forget,” Ryuu blushes.

“Wha– hang on!” Suga-san reddens. “You couldn’t have been effected by that, could you? Tell me you didn’t get any weird thoughts…”

“My thoughts are not important,” Ryuu says, averting his eyes. Then, much more silent, he resumes. “What was all that about yesterday?”

Suga-san remains silent for what seems to be an eternity. When he finally speaks, his voice feels far away.

“I started playing volleyball in the beginning of elementary. It started as a hobby, something I did with my friends, something I enjoyed. It was not until around this time last year, when our third years graduated and I became the main setter that it… gradually became more and more stressful. People would watch our games and say things like ‘Karasuno is a fallen powerhouse’, or call us ‘flightless crows’. When we lost last year against Datekou, I… I could hear the people go ‘the spikers are strong, but the setter has not enough guts to shake off the block’. At some point, I started to wish that someone took this burden from me.”

When Sugawara looks up next, he is met with the eyes of Ryuu, fixated on him.

“Honestly, when Kageyama appeared I felt relieved,” he admits.

 _‘Don’t say that!’_ Ryuu wants to say, along many others, but the somber smile on Suga-san’s lips puts him in a stupor and makes him silent.

“I noticed that people aren’t able to see me around the end of the Inter High preliminaries,” Suga-san says. “In the down days after we lost to Seijou, I decided to visit the aquarium.”

“Alone?” Ryuu asks.

“Is it bad?”

Ryuu shakes his head.

“Marine life somehow calms me,” Suga-san says with a confessing smile. “I get immersed in the sight and forget about myself. I like to think I could live underwater. It seems so peaceful.”

Ryuu tries to imagine Suga-san as a merman, only to immediately regret his decision.

“I get lost in my thoughts at the aquarium,” Sugawara continues, oblivious to Ryuu’s blush. “So when people first bumped into me, I thought it was all a coincidence. Maybe they were just too focused on the fish to see me. But, you see, when on my way home I stopped by a café, the waiter looked through me, as if I was thin air. I got so terrified I quickly left and went straight home. However, after returning to my own neighborhood, everyone seemed to see me. It got me thinking… so I went around, seeing if something similar would happen in other places.”

“So, that’s why you were in a bunny outfit.”

“Looking like that, people ought to react if they catch sight of me, right?”

Ryuu nods. “So… do you plan on wearing the outfit again?”

“Exactly,” Suga-san grins, stepping off the train at the next station. He walks straight to the lockers – the ones Ryuu could never figure out – and opens one up, revealing a paper bag with telltale bunny ears peeking out at its handles. “I don’t mind you following me, Tanaka, but you know what will happen, right?” he asks, looking up.

Ryuu gulps, nodding silently. There is not a second of hesitation in his decision now, that he knows Suga-san’s story: he wants to help, however he can.

Sugawara gives him a short smile, as he steps away from the locker, and Ryuu follows him closely behind as Sugawara walks out of the station to a busy conjunction.

While waiting for the light to turn green, Sugawara tilts his head towards Ryuu with a mischievous smile.

“Can I share with you a secret?” he asks.

“Of course, Suga-san!”

“You know, our class made a dress up café last year for the school festival,” Sugawara continues, tone cheeky. “This,” he lifts the paper bag a little, bunny ears swaying inside, “was originally what the girls from the handicrafts club made for me. However, the vice principal found it outrageous and banned me from wearing it. In the end, I dressed up as Little Red Riding Hood.”

“I remember that!” Ryuu says, and he cannot help the light dusting of red from creeping onto his ears at the memory.

Suga-san looked so refreshing, so cute and so frilly in his red dress and hood; he sent a cheeky wink in Ryuu’s direction when Ennoshita and him dropped by.

“I’m glad you didn’t wear the bunny outfit to school.”

“Oho?” Sugawara raises a brow.

“It is way too erotic,” Ryuu murmurs in reply.

To this, even Suga-san blushes a little, paper bag rustling in his hand as he fidgets. “Do you want to eat?” he asks suddenly to change the topic, walking up to an open storefront on the way.

As Ryuu follows him, the delicious, juicy smell of buns hit him, and his stomach starts grumbling on its own.

 “Sounds good,” he nods.

“Great,” Suga-san sends him a smile, and he turns to the lady behind the counter. “Two pork buns, please.”

To both of their surprise, the woman does not react, but turns away, arranging a few items on the shelves to the side.

“Excuse me,” Sugawara repeats louder. “Two pork buns, please.”

The woman turns back with a cloth in her hand, and she starts cleaning the counter.

“Excuse me!” Suga-san says, waving his hand in front of the woman.

Ryuu steps in front of him, clearing his throat.

“Two pork buns, please,” he says softly.

“Two pork buns coming right up,” replies the woman instantly with a warm smile on her face. “Anything else? Drinks?”

“No, thanks,” Ryuu replies, dropping some coins in the plate on the counter. He takes the buns, turning to Sugawara. “Here,” he holds out one.

“I wanted to invite you,” Suga-san sulks, taking the bun offered.

“Senpai,” Ryuu says, minutes later, when they finally left the busy conjunction behind, walking down a quiet road in a much more suburban area. “Are you not worried the least by all this?”

“Worried… not being able to buy a pork bun to my cute kouhai is indeed an issue. But, do you actually believe in this insane story of mine?”

“I just witnessed it,” Ryuu murmurs.

“Well. I could bribe the lady with something to play along…”

“I know you wouldn’t do something like that, Suga-san. Sure, you’re playful and you love playing tricks, but this is way too elaborate for a prank.”

“If you say so.”

“… I know what stories like this are called,” Ryuu says then, in a careful tone. “Hearing other people’s thoughts, seeing the future or swapping bodies with someone; rumors like these are called Adolescence Syndrome, right?”

“Those are just urban legends.”

“Says the senpai who cannot be seen,” Ryuu sighs, stopping in his tracks.

Sugawara glances at him surprised, halting his steps. “Tanaka?”

“I would like to show you something.”

“Here?” Sugawara looks around, clueless.

“This,” Ryuu points to the house behind him, “is my home. Would you please come to my room so I can show you the thing?”

“Don’t tell me you really got lewd thoughts after seeing me yesterday?”

Ryuu did.

Not that he would ever admit it to Suga-san.

At least, not this openly.

“There’s something I would like to show you,” he repeats, palms sweating. “So you believe me when I say I believe you.”

 

***

 

 

_A/N again:_

I know many people have overlooked Bunny Girl Senpai for the bunny outfit and the advertising, but it is one of the best-written romance/mystery stories in anime, with a bunch of witty and adorable characters and an amazing plot, dealing with relatable real-life problems. It's definitely worth watching!


	2. the kouhai who has a dragon tattoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suga visits the Tanaka household.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh, this has become angsty. Suga POV
> 
> Also sorry for being so late with this, life has been a little hectic and my writing time has been sabotaged by the unexpected.

Entering Tanaka’s home, Suga’s first observation is how clean and orderly the house is. Suga is not sure whether to be surprised by the whole thing or not – undeniably, his impression of his boisterous second-year teammate must have skewed his expectations and made him prejudiced. He was expecting dirty clothes thrown carelessly over the sofa and unwashed dishes left in the sink. What he finds is a home that smells somewhat fresh, like a mixture of furniture polish and fabric softener. From the cheerful decorations to the soft colored walls, the comfy-looking cushions in the living room to the big dining table in the spacious kitchen, there is an all-around warm and welcoming vibe in the house.

It makes Suga almost envious.

“Pardon the intrusion,” he murmurs under his breath to Tanaka’s hurried ‘I’m home’, and follows the boy upstairs.

The stairs, old and worn, creak under his feet, just as the wooden flooring of the corridor. Deep in his thoughts, Suga startles when Tanaka pulls a sliding door open, revealing a small but relatively tidy room.

“You keep it rather clean,” Suga voices his thoughts out loud before he could catch himself. The compliment does not go unnoticed, for the tip of Tanaka’s ears redden.

“Sugawara-senpai…”

Taken aback – by the blush, the tone, or by the way Tanaka bashfully scratches the back of his head? Suga clears his throat.

“What is this formality all of a sudden?” he asks, forcing a playful tone on himself.

Normally he would accompany his words with a grin for further reassurance. Now, instead of flashing one of his fake, well-mannered smiles, he walks to the bookshelf, fiddling with the spine of a relatively torn manga collection.

He is nervous around Tanaka, for Tanaka is his polar opposite. Where he plays all kind and pleasant to make himself likeable in social situations, Tanaka is always honest, even if causes discomfort. Tanaka tells no white lies. He would be bashful, embarrassed, flustered even. But never a liar, especially not a smooth one like Sugawara.

Tanaka would never smile and get on with his life politely as his life continuously sidelines him. Tanaka would fight.

Tanaka would fight for himself, just as he fights for his friends at every occasion.

“Suga-san,” Tanaka says, and he pulls in the curtains abruptly, covering the room in darkness.

“Tanaka?” Suga asks staggered. His eyes, not yet used to the dark, span around aimlessly. His ears pick up the sound of clothes rustling, and his heart rate jumps. “What are you doing? Is this some kind of a prank?”

“I have something to show you, Suga-san,” Tanaka says.

He removes his shirt; Suga can faintly register the movement in the dark, and the room gets filled with a soft green glow. Turning around, Tanaka reveals his back: the intricate lines of light start at his nape, covering both of his shoulder blades and dip deep down along his spine. They make up a mythical dragon, beautiful and majestic, open mouth roaring towards his left shoulder.

“Wha–” Suga starts, mesmerized by the beauty. He has heard about UV ink tattoos, that are generally invisible under broad daylight. But he has seen Tanaka’s back many times, in the changing room and during practice matches, when he took off his shirt in celebration – but he never noticed even the trace of these lines – and god knows he was looking intently.

Furthermore, UV tattoos need UV light to show up. They are not some glow-in-the-dark trickery, like those fluorescent star stickers he covered his ceiling within his childhood.

“What is this?” Suga manages to ask after a few seconds.

“The thing I wanted to show you to make you believe,” Tanaka replies, his voice deep in the dark.

“Can I touch it?”

“Go ahead.”

“Wow,” Suga says as his fingers glide over the lines, skin smooth under his touch. “Beautiful.”

He follows the spine of the dragon, fingers tracing across Tanaka’s shoulder blade. He reaches Tanaka’s side when the boy squirms, letting out a tiny, involuntary moan.

“S-Sorry Suga-san!” Tanaka jumps away immediately. “I’m ticklish.”

“Oh. I see. Sorry,” Suga replies. His hand left mid-air feel cold, his fingers stretch forward reaching for the skin that they parted from before he drops his arm to his side. His eyes follow the glowing back of Tanaka, who pulls the curtains apart. As sunlight fills the room again, Tanaka’s back goes back to usual – wide, muscular, tanned and immaculate. No sign of his tattoo shows now, but Suga’s thoughts linger. The memory of the feeling of Tanaka’s skin under his touch is still vivid, still very much alluring. He has to shake himself a little, and he breathes a sigh as he collects himself, tearing his thoughts away from Tanaka’s skin.

Not that Tanaka would make it any easy.

He does not bother to wear his shirt again as he drops down the floor beside the table, motioning towards Suga to do so too.

Suga follows order silently, still taken aback by the mystery he witnessed.

“It appeared during my last year in middle school,” Tanaka starts. “It all started when my sister had a fallout with her friends. After they quarreled, she ended up hanging out with a bunch of rowdy kids. She had a wild phase, as she calls it. They were not bad people,” he shakes his head. “They never got into fights or bullied others or the such. They even played with an awkward kid like me. They just looked… like delinquents. Hair dyed blond, lots of piercings… one of them even had a tattoo.”

He shuffles in his seat, scratching the surface of the table mindlessly.

“Then rumors started. They called us a gang. It didn’t take long, and people would shy away from my sister, whispering behind her back. The whole thing got out of hand, they called us yakuza; Saeko nee-san the boss and me her shadow.”

Tanaka looks at his hand, forces it to stop scratching.

“One day she woke up with a giant dragon tattoo covering her back. Full of color, bright, permanent. And I… I ended up with the one you just saw. It is the mirrored version of my sister’s. Same lines, but it can only be seen in the darkness.”

“Adolescence syndrome?” Suga asks.

Tanaka nods curtly, then drops his head in his hand covering his face from Suga.

“The worst thing is that she doesn’t care. Saeko nee-san, she is marked for life as a bad person, but she just goes on about life as if nothing happened.”

There is a long, shaky breath tearing from Tanaka’s lips, one that worries Suga more than anything Tanaka could say. Suga tries to peek though Tanaka’s fingers to see his face, his expression, his eyes, his thoughts. He understands the connotations of Tanaka’s story. He understands why Tanaka would be worried about his sister. He wants to help him. To ease his pain. To ensure him that his sister carrying on is a good thing.

Even though he knows nothing about Tanaka’s sister, whether she cares for the tattoo or not, whether she wants to rid of it or not, whether it is irreversible at all… Suga just wants to say something to soothe Tanaka’s pain. Anything.

“I’m sorry,” is all he musters.

This is when the front door closes with a loud clang, and a young woman’s voice rings through the halls.

“I’m home, Ryuu!” Suga hears the greeting, followed by lively stomping. “Do you have someone over? Oh!”

The woman standing in the door is the epitome of no-regrets. She wears a black jacket and has a motorcycle helmet under her arm. She smiles brightly, and waves excitedly to Suga. She sports a short, vibrantly blond hairstyle with features that could be a copy paste of Tanaka’s – it reminds Suga of Tanaka as a first year with his blond hair and the memory, even after hearing the story of the rumor that led to them getting tattoos, warms his heart. The hot-headed idiot who would propose upon seeing Shimizu for the first time… is the same boy who gets up now, his voice a little grumpy, pushing his sister out of the room.

“Come on Ryuu,” Tanaka’s sister laughs. “It’s not rare that you have someone over, so why being secretive now?”

Tanaka murmurs something in reply that Suga cannot hear. The sister blinks in reply and sends a curious glance towards Suga. Then, she turns back, grinning at his brother.

“Gotcha!” she reaches out, pulling his brother into a half hug.

For some reason, Suga is sure that if she didn’t have her helmet in her hand, she would rub Tanaka’s bald head. He immediately gets a craving to pet Tanaka’s buzz himself, and regrets making assumptions.

Tanaka’s sister waves Suga goodbye and leaves for her own room.

“Sorry,” Tanaka says as he returns, settling right beside Suga – who can’t help but glance at the crop cut hair on top of Tanaka’s hair, thick and soft and so great to touch – and Suga gulps back his urges to fix his eyes on Tanaka’s face, only to be met with a pair of stormy blue eyes, looking worried over him. “Saeko nee-san can be a handful sometimes. She gets all nosy when new guys come.”

“Is that something that happens frequently?”

Suga has no idea why he asked it. He has a slight idea though why Tanaka blushed at his question, and it makes him want to know the answer all too bad.

“Forget about it,” he says instead.

“No, it’s… fine,” Tanaka replies. “It’s usually just the boys. From the club. The second years. We study together, or sometimes Ennoshita brings a movie, or Narita brings over a new game to try out… I have very few friends, that’s all. She is very conscious about it.”

“As you are conscious about her,” Suga finishes for him. Tanaka’s eyes widen slightly in surprise.

He sits too close – Suga wants to hug him and rub his hand and ensure him that he is doing great.

Instead, Suga sighs, leaning back, folding his arms behind him as a pillow.

“So this is why you said I will believe you if you show it to me, huh?” he muses. “You say my case bears similarities to yours?” as he glances up, he catches another blush of Tanaka’s.

“Well… I mean,” the boy fidgets. “You’re reacting perfectly to the change in the club environment. You forfeited your position to Kageyama without a fight and…”

And there is no continuation. Tanaka’s words end up in a grumble as he tosses around in frustration before he turns red once again, hiding his face in his hands.

The picture paints itself in front of Suga so clearly now – it feels like a slap across the face, but it comes like a breath of fresh air. Painful, definitely, but it has truth in it he never realized before.

Sugawara Koushi, the third year setter who was suddenly replaced by a genius first year, feels discarded.

As his team members accepted Kageyama one after another, as their teamwork reached heights he could have never imagined for Karasuno, as they packed more wins in the preliminaries than the team has ever got with Suga, as Kageyama led the team further with a playstyle that he could have never used… Suga started to feel useless. Once a team takes its shape, it is hard for a discarded piece to fit right back in. Benchwarmers have a tough time getting onto the court, let alone a third-year setter who has been replaced by someone new, someone with real talent.

Fighting his way back to the position of the main setter does not sit well with Suga – he knows that he is no match to Kageyama, and his selfish wish would only hinder the team. He knows, that the team still counts on him; he has been subbed in when Kageyama lost his cool, and he has been playing as a pinch server too… but it feels strange. It feels empty. He can’t seem to find his place in this new team.

Suga realizes now; afraid that others may take pity on him, afraid that talking with him and including him in the game would become a chore for the others, he started disengaging himself from his team. He took on the committee work he was roped into as an escape mechanism. Because it gave him a perfect excuse to skip practice.

He feels that he has no place on Karasuno’s team now – and not even the coach’s words could convince him otherwise.

 _“Next time,”_ Ukai said.

But Sugawara Koushi, the third year who was suddenly replaced by a genius first year… has already become an outsider.

“I think you should be more assertive, senpai,” Tanaka says finally, face still dusted with rose but eyes clear and focused on Suga. “Kageyama might be the main setter now, but you are also our setter.”

Why is it, Suga wonders, that when his teacher told him to quit the team for his studies, for he has already been subbed out, he could find the fight in him and the dignity to raise his head and say: _“I am not doing it for the merit.”_ but when Tanaka asks him to stay, he has no power to affirm his will?

“Why’s that?” he speaks out loud. It is not a question aimed at Tanaka, not really, the boy still takes it and replies.

“We need you,” Tanaka says. Shortly. Simply.

It breaks Suga’s heart.

“You shouldn’t just accept everything as if you were not needed anymore and go ahead to generally fade out. Us, the kouhai, rely on you, Suga-san. Daichi-san and Asahi-san rely on you. You are doing so much more than simply be our setter. You are our mood maker. You lift our spirits. In the darkest moments, when our vision is narrowed down and we see no way out of an opponent’s grasp, it’s your voice that carries over the cheers and the noise.”

Tanaka takes a huge breath as if he was surprised by how much he spoke at once, then, much more timidly, he adds:

“Besides, you yourself seem to want to return. You don’t seem happy while you are doing all that committee work and whatnot. You’re smiling when you spot us running, but you seem to be hurting, drifting further away.”

“Do I?” Suga asks, curving the edge of his lips upwards. It is not a smile, not really, and it definitely does not do its job to reassure Tanaka that everything is fine, but it is the best Suga has.

“I think you should do what you want,” Tanaka says then, grabbing Suga’s hand on an impulse. “You have the skill and experience, and the whole team is eagerly awaiting your return after the committee work is over…”

“I!” Suga says, tearing his hand away. His skin burns where Tanaka touched him. His heart throbs where Tanaka touched him. His knees wobble as he stands and his face heats up as he stutters a hurried goodbye, darting to the door.

Tanaka is right.

But also, Tanaka is wrong.

It is not so easy. Suga can’t just decide to play an important role on the team, he can’t just return as if nothing happened, he can’t…

He is frightened of disappearing. But he finds no power in himself to return.

 

*

 

The next morning Suga sleeps in.

He enjoys the softness of his pillows, the warmth under his blanket, the sunshine filtering through the curtains. As he turns, drowning in the comfort of his bed, his thoughts roam wild.

Invisibility, he thinks, should be some cool superpower. It should not be a trouble at all. He could, his mind still heavy with sleep reasons, be the best assassin of Japan. Or even the entire world. He could be the best thief too. It would all be a piece of cake. He could march in the front door, and no one would notice him.

He wonders, what a life like that would look like. To wake up whenever he feels like, wander around town all he wants, enter any building and take anything, anytime. At first, the freedom excites him, his ideas roaming wild, picturing him in the big museums of the world; he imagines that invisible, even stealing the Mona Lisa from the Paris Louvre would be possible.

Then, as time passes and his lazy slumber turns into frustrated tossing, the imagery changes.

Being entirely invisible from the world means that he would have no place to stay at. No one would rent a flat to someone they cannot see. No one would sell him stuff in a supermarket or serve him at a restaurant. He would have no one to sell the loot from his thievery. No one to see him. No one to talk with. In the whole world.

Suga breaks away from this train of thought to find himself with a heart beating like crazy, drenched in cold sweat and heaving for air.

Invisibility, he decides, is only a superpower if it is a choice.

He shrugs off his blankets and rolls out of bed with a big sigh. Skipping school is not something he has often done – once he pretended to be sick in middle school, after he said something embarrassing to his very first crush, only to return to school a few days later and realize that the other was oblivious to his feelings still. Twice, he skipped in the first year of high school after they lost their first match. He did not even play in the match. Yet, he felt as if it was all his fault somehow, unable to see his senpais in the eye. It was a weird, unreasonable thing to do, and in retrospect, Suga finds it dumb as hell.

Standing under the boiling hot water in the shower, he wonders what his future self would think about his current situation a few months down the line.

He wonders if he will have a future self to look back on things.

He wonders, whether he is truly becoming invisible at all – or if he is about to disappear.

As time passes, his thoughts only get darker and murkier. Finally, in the afternoon he gets fed up with the depression looming over him, and escapes to the streets. Walking around downtown he dances around people – unsure whether they can see him or not, he is being extra cautious as not to bump into anyone. He walks past the shop where they did not see him the day before. The smell of buns makes his stomach growl, reminding him that he has not eaten anything yet.

He glances back to the shop, considering his chances. Best case, he gets a bun. Worst, he does not. Realizing that he has nothing to lose but a few seconds of his time, he walks up to the counter.

“One pork bun please,” he says.

The woman behind the counter does not even look into his direction.

Suga tries once more, simply for the sake of it. The lady shows no reaction to his voice and at this point, he is not even surprised. He lets out a sigh, turning on his heels towards the nearby konbini.

He knows that a few students of Karasuno works part-time there, and hopes to see someone he knows behind the counter. Tanaka and the others can still see him, after all. The lady at the pork bun shop, with whom he has never spoken more than a few words, does not.

Opening the door and entering the store, Suga feels relieved to see a university student by the counter. She has been working here for the past few months and they had been chatting frequently when Suga dropped by – they had a bonding moment right after she started working here over their shared love for the spiciest cup ramen sold in the store.

Suga feels confident choosing his favorite hell hot ramen and he drops a few other snacks too in the shopping basket. There is even a skip in his step as he marches up to the cashier, whistling a little tune under his breath.

His budding happiness turns immediately into cold shock, however, when the girl by the counter continues staring straight past his shoulder.

“Yo! Don’t play with that!” she shouts suddenly, stepping out of the counter and running off an aisle to lecture a group of middle schoolers.

Suga bites his lip, his grip tightening on the handle of the basket. He takes a step back, stepping just out of the way of an office worker who walks up to the counter not seeing him.

Something clogs Suga’s nose, and as he squeezes his eyes shut for a second, something wet rolls down his cheeks. His breath comes out broken, but he collects himself before he could burst out sobbing in the middle of the store. He gulps back his panic; walking through the aisles he places each item back to its original place before leaving the empty basket at the door. He glances back as he exits, and he catches the moment when the girl smiles at the office worker, taking over his basket from him at the counter.

Tearing his eyes away, he walks down the road.

Ten minutes from the station to the house. Almost a minute spent fiddling with the keys. A few seconds as he kicks off his shoes, another ten or so to reach the kitchen and open the fridge. As if solely to mock him, it greets him empty.

Suga rummages through the shelves, but he can’t find but a box of raw pasta way past its expiration date. Not even rice. _And he reassured his mom before she left the country for work that he can fend for himself._

Suga can’t help but laugh at his own inability to keep food at home. Somehow it becomes especially twisted since no one sees him at shops anymore.

Hungry and desperate, he has only one place where he can think of going.

Even if he is afraid that he had hurt Tanaka by running away the day before – there is no one else he wishes to see in his current state.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


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